Stories

Drummer: "What does IDK stand for?"
Guitar player: "I don’t know."
Drummer: "OMG, nobody does!"

Two drummers fell down a hole. One said, "It's dark in here isn't it?" The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."

A guitar player was driving in a car with a drummer. He told him to stick his head out the window and see if the blinker worked. He stuck his head out and said, "Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…

Two drummers were driving to Disneyland when they came to a sign that said, “Disneyland Left” So they went home.

A drummer gets lost and calls for directions. The operator asks which cross streets he's at. The drummer replies, "I'm on the corner of Walk and Don’t Walk.”

A guitar player and a drummer were walking through a park one day. The guitar player said, "Hey look at that dog with one eye!" The drummer covers one eye and says, "Where?"

A guy wanted to play bass in a band. The band told him, "Okay, but you will have to have 1/3 of your brain removed." So the guy went into surgery. When he woke up, the doctor said, "I'm terribly sorry, but we made a mistake and accidentally removed 3/4's of your brain instead. You're now a drummer".

Two guys, Chuck and Duane, are on a safari in the jungle. In the distance can be heard native drumming. Their guide, Bula, says, “Me don’t like sound of drumming, very bad.”

For hours the trio traipse through the jungle with the constant sound of the drums beginning to get closer. The whole time Bula keeps saying, “Very bad, drumming very bad.”

Finally Chuck and Duane can’t take it any longer and scream in unison, “Why is the drumming so bad?!”

Bula says, “Substitute drummer!”

A couple hours later the drumming suddenly stops. Bula says, “Oh no, bad, very bad when drums stop.” Chuck and Duane a of course freaked out by this and once again ask in unison, “Why?”

“Bass solo,” Bula replies.

A New York drummer by the name of Joe was out of work and desperately searching for a gig. He went to the union office where they told him about plentiful jobs in Greece. "Greece?, the drummer said. The union representative replied, "Hey, do you want to work or don't you?".

So the man packed his bags and headed off to Greece. He was to meet up with an old guy by the name of Tarek at a small pub near the town of Perin. Upon his arrival, he located the pub but Tarek was nowhere to be found.

He tracked Tarek down later by phone. He said he needed him for a last minute wedding gig tonight at the Oasis hotel. There would be over 400 guests but unfortunately there wouldn't be time for a rehearsal. Tarek said, "Just show up with your drums and be ready to play." Well, the NY drummer wasn't that nervous. He had played hundreds of wedding gigs back in New York and he was just happy to have some work.

Joe arrived at the hotel on time. The whole band was there except the bandleader, Tarek. He set up his drums and patiently waited for the old guy. Tarek finally arrived 5 minutes before they were supposed to go on. He frantically set up his music stand and raised his arm to lead the band. "Wait!, shouted the NY drummer, what are we playing?" Tarek looked at him calmly (knowing he was a professional drummer) and stated, "Just relax and give me strong backbeats on 7 and 13."

St. Peter was checking ID's at the pearly gates. He asks the first man, "What did you do on Earth?" The man replied, "I was a doctor." St. Peter says, "OK, go right through those two shiny gates to your left.

"Next person! What did you do on Earth?" , "I was a school teacher."

"OK, ..through those two gates and to the left

."Next! ..And what did you do on Earth?" . "Oh, I was a drummer."

"All right, go around to the back door, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen and..."

A customer walks into the brand new store downtown that sells brains. There are three glass cases, each containing a nice wet quivering gray brain. The first one says "SCIENTIST", and it costs $100. The second says "ELECTRICIAN" and costs $1000. The third says "DRUMMER" and costs $10,000. The customer is confused, and questions the salesperson.

"I don't get it...why would I want a drummer's brain for $10,000 when I can get an scientist's brain for $100?".

The salesman replied, "Because, it's never been used."

A lady walks into a store and tells the man behind the counter she would like some musician brains. "Alright" he says, "What kind?".

"How much do they cost?" she asks.

"Well, those there are trumpeters at $5 a pound, those are French horns at $7 a pound, and those are conductors' at $10 a pound." He replies.

"What are those way back there?" she asks.

"Those are drummers brains. They cost $100 a pound." He replies.

"GOODNESS!!", she exclaims, "Why are they so expensive?"

"Lady, do you realize how many drummers it takes to get a pound of brains?!?!".

An amateur drummer died and went to heaven. He was waiting outside the pearly gates when he heard the most incredible fast and furious drumming coming from within. Immediately he recognized the playing and rushed to ask St. Peter if that was Buddy Rich playing drums inside the gates. St. Peter responded: "No, that's God. He just thinks he's Buddy Rich."

To get this joke, you probably have to know about the legendary unpopularity of Buddy Rich amongst his band...

A horn player who had been playing with Buddy Rich for many years came back from vacation to hear a rumor that Buddy had died. He didn't quite believe it, so he phoned Buddy's wife and said "Can I speak to Buddy please?"

Buddy's wife said, "I'm sorry, Buddy passed away last week."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," he said, and hung up.

A couple of hours later, he called her again. "Is Buddy there please?"

"No, I'm sorry. Buddy's no longer with us," said Buddy's wife. And hung up the phone.

Ten minutes later, he called Buddy's wife again. "Can I speak to Buddy please?" he said.

She recognized his voice, and said: "Look, I've told you before, BUDDY'S DEAD!" And slammed down the phone.

Two minutes later, and the phone rang again... "Is Buddy at home please?" the horn player asked.

Buddy's wife was furious. "I'm not going to tell you again, Buddy is dead.. D. E. A. D., DEAD. Why do you keep calling me to ask for Buddy???!!!!"

The horn player replied, .."I just love hearing you say it."

If a dollar bill was laying in the center of a room, and the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, a drummer with good time, and a drummer with bad time were standing in the corners, who would get the money?

The drummer with bad time since the other three don't exist.

A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments. He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says "I'll take that red trumpet over there and that accordion."

The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator's got to stay".

A young drummer girl was walking along the street when she heard..

"Psst! Down here!"

She looked down and saw a frog sitting by the curb. The frog says to her, "Hey, if you kiss me I'll turn into a world famous drummer and make you rich and famous!" She thought for a moment and reached down, grabbed the frog and stuffed it in her pocket.

A woman standing nearby witnessing the whole event said, "What did you do that for?"

The girl replied, "I'm not stupid. I know a talking frog is worth heaps more than a famous drummer any day!"

A guy walks into a shop. "You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplification thingies and a Gibson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremolo?" "You're a drummer, aren't you?" "Duh, yeah. How'd you know?" "This is a travel agency."

Two salesmen are in a bar. One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar, I'm such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys." "Ok," says the first, "you're on." The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is dressed in a three-piece suit and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman asks him, "What's your IQ?" "190." So they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry. "Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The salesman asks him "What's you're IQ?" "About 100." So THEY chat for a while about baseball, cars, and the various women in the bar. "Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one to go." He goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle shirt and shorts. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?" "About 60." "What kind of sticks do you use?"

There is a bar with a bunch of drummers in it and they are all yelling "51 days, 51 days!" and more and more keep coming in, they are all ordering drinks and yelling "51 days! 51 days!" the bartender has a puzzled look on his face as more and more come into the bar and order more and more drinks and chant and chant. finally, the bartender asks one of the drummers why they are all celebrating and chanting"51 days! 51 days!" the drummer answers with, "well, we all just finished a puzzle in 51 days and the box said 2 to 4 years!"

A drummer walks into a library and says: "Hi I'll have a burger, fries, and a large coke." The librarian responds: Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!" The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: "Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke."

A woman goes to the doctor, who has the results of a recent blood test;

Doc: "I'm sorry to say it's not good news, you only have 6 months to live."

Woman: "Oh Dear, that's terrible. What can I do?"

Doc: "Well, you could try marrying a drummer"

Woman: "Will that make me live longer?"

Doc: "No, it'll still be 6 months, but it will seem like a lot longer".

In the summer of 1969, a mail sorter at a New York post office received a letter addressed "To The Greatest Drummer in the World." There was no address or return address and the sorter wasn't sure what to do.

Fortunately, there was a former drummer who worked the front counter of the Post Office who promptly found Max Roach's address and forwarded the letter. Max Roach received the letter and said, "Oh no, I'm not the greatest drummer in the world." Max then promptly forwarded the letter to Gene Krupa, who said "Somebody must've made a mistake."

Gene then forwarded the letter on to Buddy Rich (known for his incredible ego and abuse of his band members for every little mistake they made). Of course, Buddy had been waiting his entire life for that moment. He read the words "To The Greatest Drummer in the World" and smiled from ear-to-ear as he ripped open the envelope.

He began to read the letter, "Dear Ringo...."

A drummer goes in for a haircut but refuses to take off his Walkman. The hairdresser does as best he can and then asks again if the headphones could come off again, just for a moment so he can finish the job, but the drummer refuses and says that it might kill him to take them off. The hairdresser can't sit and look at this dodgy haircut so he just rips them off and finishes the job. After about 30 seconds the drummer just collapses in his seat and is dead. The hairdresser can't resist listening to this life giving music, so puts on the headphones and hears "Breath in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out......."

The guy with the whip on an ancient ship with 100 slaves pulling oars and with a drummer who pounds out the tempo of the rowing steps up at the beginning of the day and announces: "Attention! I have good news and bad news! The good news is the drummer is sick today!"

Slaves: "Yea!"

Slave Master; "The bad news is Dave Weckl is filling in!"

Slaves: "Groan!!!!"

How about the drummer who kept getting fired for having bad time.

He became so depressed that he went to the railroad tracks and threw himself behind a train.

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I've got a great drummer joke, shall I tell it?

"I should let you know first that I'm a drummer," replies the bartender.

"That's okay, I'll tell it real slow!"

After Quasimodo's death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing several applicants demonstrate their skills, he decided to call it a day when a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer’s job. The bishop was incredulous.

"You have no arms!"

"No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped, and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop rushed to his side.

When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before.

As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?"

"I don't know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "but his face rings a bell."

The following day, despite the sadness that weighed heavily on his heart due to the unfortunate death of the armless campanologist (now there's a trivia question for you), the bishop continued his interviews for the bell ringer of Notre Dame. The first man to approach him said, "Your Excellency, I am the brother of the poor, armless wretch that fell to his death from this very belfry yesterday. I pray that you honor his life by allowing me to replace him in this duty." The bishop agreed to give the man an audition, and as the armless man's brother stooped to pick up a mallet to strike the first bell, he groaned, clutched at his chest and died on the spot. Two monks, hearing the bishop's cries of grief at this second tragedy, rushed up the stairs to his side.

"What has happened?" the first breathlessly asked, "Who is this man?"

"I don't know his name," sighed the distraught bishop, "but he's a dead ringer for his brother."